My Newest Labor of LOVE!

Long time no write – again!

All apologies. But, y’all: I have been learning SO flippin’ much and have just made the decision to follow my gifts and start doing what I do best – – – helping hurting people.

After serving for 3-years at a local hospice and developing a grief and bereavement program from scratch to support our local community (not only for our patients and their families but rather a program that supports our collective community as a whole), I’ve decided to take this show on the road.

Buckle up! It’s a road trip!

Kinda. Not really. But bear with me here.

The need for grief education, literacy, advocacy, support and resources is overwhelming. This need was already dire prior to our 3-year global health crisis. The “still-to-be-fully-determined” effects of our individual and collective mental health from living in a strange kind of survival mode, are only going to add to that burden. A fractured and over extended healthcare system, staffed by mentally and emotionally broken humans, who have seen too much and done too much and are now walking advertisements for PTSD, are not really good recipes for success or healthful healing. We now know that trauma, even if only perceived, alters our brains. Living in a constant state of fight/flight/freeze, floods our brains with chemicals that make us stay on high alert for danger. Our hormone and chemical flooded brain sends messages to our body that tell us: “Yep – we are not safe. We are afraid. Something bad is definately going to happen. Panic.” Then our body talks to our organs and our breathing becomes fast and shallow and our heart rate and blood pressure go up and that shallow breathing just serves to make more chemicals flood our brain and it’s a vicious cycle that continues.

It’s past time that we take the leap and learn to help one another feel heard, understood and valued while also being mindful that healing from any grief or trauma is messy, unique and always evolving and on-going.

Grief has no finish line. But neither does love. And in order to be a truly trauma informed and healthful community able to support those who are hurting, we need places and spaces and people who are willing to be that light and shine in the dark times so that others can know that they can make it to their tomorrows.

Grief is a normal response to loss and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Grief is messy and miserable and horrible. It is also universal. By educating and healing our selves we can then hope for a more balanced, empathetic and supportive response to ourselves, each other and our community.

Without further ado, I am so EXCITED to share with you all my newest labor of love!

The Center for Grief & Creative Healing began as an idea and soon became a community. The next steps for our non-profit start up are to offer more self-care and mindfulness workshops, grief groups, grief education, resources & counseling sessions for our local communities. Our programs and services will be at no cost to those we serve.

Our goal is to be fully funded by kindness, donations, generosity of volunteer time and grant availability to foster community and collective healing following these trying times.

Classes, groups and workshop schedules will be posted on our Facebook pages. If you or someone you know needs 1:1 grief support, please message us with your contact information.

Much love!

D

This Week’s Focus

This week my focus word is “acceptance”. I’m working on accepting myself, my circumstances, and my relationships. This hasn’t been an easy task for me on the best of days so taking the time to deep dive into this intention is proving to be a challenge – but I’m ready.

Part of acceptance is acknowledging that I’ve not been practicing all that I teach. I share with my grief group participants that we should never say something to ourselves that we wouldn’t also say out loud to those we love most in this world – so part of accepting ME is also being kinder and gentler TO me in my thoughts ABOUT me.

Give some attention to your thoughts and what acceptance looks like in your life this week.

Sending love & light. xo

Lessons from a Pandemic

This pandemic hasn’t created new problems for me, personally, however, it has magnified the cracks and insecurities in my life that were much easier to ignore before I was socially locked down with no distractions from all of the wreckage that has been my journey for the last 7 years.

Talk about a hard pill to swallow.

That mess that I was effectively sweeping under the rug in every possible way, became too much anymore when I was home alone with my thoughts and my feelings and anxieties and with nowhere to run and zero distractions from what was staring me in the face.

So you know what?

I faced it head-on.

I stopped looking the other way and took a long hard look at ME and my choices. Who do I want to be in charge of the REST of my story?

I didn’t want to forfeit my ideas and thoughts and experiences to another human being no matter how much I love them anymore.

I don’t want to be a watered down version of my true self.

I want to love the things and people I love and not feel ashamed of the human being that I am. I want to honor my heart and my beliefs and I want to take my power back. I want to truly live my story out loud, with the volume way up and all the glitter I want.

So here goes.

I’m grateful that I got here but I’m sorry it took a plague to make me see where I was wrong.

Onward, friends.

xo

Grief & Creative Healing

Grief is Universal. Healing should be accessible.

Welcome to our community of hope, healing, advocacy, education and support for all things GRIEF.

Grief is universal and we believe that healing, resources and support should be accessible to anyone. Unfortunately, grief education and support options are extremely limited and also, not a realistic option financially for many people who are struggling.

While we are a society that actively struggles with life losses of all kinds (illness, divorce, death, dying, job losses, etc.) and the ongoing effects of isolation surrounding the global pandemic, the availability of grief literacy, education and coping skills and techniques are hard to find and more often still, not an affordable option for so many.

These issues and this social climate are what prompted the beginning of our cause: Grief and Creative Healing.

Your donation will help to support a variety of programs and workshops as well as one-on-one, family and group sessions for anyone who is experiencing grief and loss. Our creative healing modalities are centered in mindfulness practices and foster collective sharing and healing in a safe and supportive space.

We offer caring, judgement free & safe spaces for healing and growing through a variety of life losses and challenges. We journey alongside our participants to encourage, empower and help identify each person’s unique way forward – all the while building healthy coping skills with a strong emphasis on self-care practices and recognizing that “there is no right or wrong way to grieve, heal & create”.

Our new center, located at 1020 Carrington Place, Suite 15 in Charlottesville VA 22901 serves our local community and we also provide virtual support and workshops for those at a distance. We offer all of our services and resources to our clients at no cost to them and we rely on community and grant funding to serve our mission.

Life. In session.

If you’d like more information about our programs and services or if you’re interested in donating and supporting our cause, please reach out. We would love to chat.

This Week’s Focus

Mid Pandemic Musings

Long time no write! I’ve been distracted; which is my typical, muddled and cluttered brain’s habit.

It occurred to me as we are mid pandemic and people are isolated and away from their families that this holiday season marked my 3rd being estranged from my biological family members.

My first was in 2018 so 2020 makes 3.

I never imagined that the things that fractured my family relationships would carry on this long; but at this point, I can’t imagine what could mend or heal all of the many hurts. As much as I’m not the same person that I was three years ago, I have to believe that neither are those who were formerly integral parts of my everyday life.

So much has changed and I don’t even know how simple conversation could be had. That water under the bridge is icy and full of rocks and choppy.

In my journey through healing I’ve learned that there is so much that I needed to let go of. So much weight that I’ve carried that was full of guilt and self-loathing and in these last three years, I’ve learned that the letting go is a daily practice. The grounding and breathing and simply being who I am and accepting me for me is a constant internal dialogue but each day it gets a little bit easier.

Five minutes of mindfulness and meditation can save your life. I know this is true because that’s exactly how I started to heal.

Five minutes at a time.

Keep shining, friends. ❤️

Lessons for Being the Black Sheep

There are so many lessons one learns from being the proverbial “black sheep” of their family. I decided a list might be helpful to those of you new to this role.

1. Be prepared to have your phone calls and texts ignored regularly. It’s easier for everyone else to believe that you don’t exist; so when you make your presence known, it will very likely go unacknowledged. Don’t worry, though. You will get used to this in time.
2. You’re not going to be invited to family things. Neither will your children. It’s easier for others to pretend that they don’t exist either. This pill is hard to swallow as a parent; it’s much easier to accept the ugly that comes your way compared to that same ugly being put upon your kids. Best advice: love them through it. Make sure they understand that love and family are unconditional and that you are there for them.
3. It’s easier to love your kids always and have some grace and humility than it is to fix broken adults.
4. Black goes with everything. Especially sparkly tiaras and glitter. Remember that when you feel badly that you don’t fit in or feel unloved because of your black sheep status.
5. No matter what anyone wants you to believe, you are not hard to love. Love simply is. And it’s hella easy.

Look at this face! ❤️

There is No Finish Line

And no one told me. I’ve walked around clueless and uninformed for almost 19 years.

Somewhere along the way I decided that once I got my kids through high school, graduated and off to college that I would feel some level of relief at a “job well done”. That was the imaginary finish line in my head that was my aim and direction. He graduates from high school then he magically does the adulting and I’m gonna coast, right?

Now that I’m one week away from taking my oldest to college, I’m consumed with all kinds of emotions and worries as I realize (probably late) that I’m not done.

My job isn’t done.

We crossed off some milestones but he’s still one of my reasons for being. And that won’t ever change. Even when he does the adulting.

I can’t help but wonder if he’s ready. If he’s been given the tools he needs to be whatever his version of successful and happy looks like.

Did I do the Momming right?

How do we ever really know?

In the meantime, since I missed the memo, to the Mommas of younger kids, here’s your reminder:

THERE IS NO FINISH LINE.

The milestones and checkboxes and worries are different now that he’s grown and about to be off on his own. Rather than worrying about his grades or his homework, I find that I worry about his overall well-being. I want him to feel safe and secure and happy in the world at large. The fact that he will now do that away from me and his family is so very scary. I won’t be able to peak a look at his face or yell upstairs when he’s being loud and crazy. I won’t be able to see his frustrated face on the bad days and help him process and feel better.

I’m grateful that we can stay in touch with FaceTime and all of the nifty tech gadgets but my goodness how much I will miss his presence and his energy and his hugs.

There is no finish line.

Oh, the Clutter…

I’m a naturally scattered human by nature. As I’m learning and growing and embracing all that is me, I’m trying to be more mindful of my processes and quirks and flaws.

That said, as I’m reflecting on wrapping up 2019 with a big and pretty bow, I’ve really been ALL OVER THE PLACE this year and I want (and need) to tidy things up.

I’m forever amazed that I still don’t know what I want to “be” when I grow up. When am I gonna figure this life-stuff out? I feel like 42 years and 5 months of age should be sufficient in helping me determine a direction and a path but, here we are.

I feel stuck and uninspired and I just want to spread peace, love, joy and glitter.

(Can I get a real job hugging all the broken people and telling them everything will be ok?)

These next few weeks, I’m hoping to pare down and de-clutter and be more mindful and meaningful about what’s important to ME in this world that I share with the people I love. I feel like 2020 needs to bring about a more focused and intentional ME.

Wish me luck!

All the love. Always.

D

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