My Newest Labor of LOVE!

Long time no write – again!

All apologies. But, y’all: I have been learning SO flippin’ much and have just made the decision to follow my gifts and start doing what I do best – – – helping hurting people.

After serving for 3-years at a local hospice and developing a grief and bereavement program from scratch to support our local community (not only for our patients and their families but rather a program that supports our collective community as a whole), I’ve decided to take this show on the road.

Buckle up! It’s a road trip!

Kinda. Not really. But bear with me here.

The need for grief education, literacy, advocacy, support and resources is overwhelming. This need was already dire prior to our 3-year global health crisis. The “still-to-be-fully-determined” effects of our individual and collective mental health from living in a strange kind of survival mode, are only going to add to that burden. A fractured and over extended healthcare system, staffed by mentally and emotionally broken humans, who have seen too much and done too much and are now walking advertisements for PTSD, are not really good recipes for success or healthful healing. We now know that trauma, even if only perceived, alters our brains. Living in a constant state of fight/flight/freeze, floods our brains with chemicals that make us stay on high alert for danger. Our hormone and chemical flooded brain sends messages to our body that tell us: “Yep – we are not safe. We are afraid. Something bad is definately going to happen. Panic.” Then our body talks to our organs and our breathing becomes fast and shallow and our heart rate and blood pressure go up and that shallow breathing just serves to make more chemicals flood our brain and it’s a vicious cycle that continues.

It’s past time that we take the leap and learn to help one another feel heard, understood and valued while also being mindful that healing from any grief or trauma is messy, unique and always evolving and on-going.

Grief has no finish line. But neither does love. And in order to be a truly trauma informed and healthful community able to support those who are hurting, we need places and spaces and people who are willing to be that light and shine in the dark times so that others can know that they can make it to their tomorrows.

Grief is a normal response to loss and there is no right or wrong way to do it. Grief is messy and miserable and horrible. It is also universal. By educating and healing our selves we can then hope for a more balanced, empathetic and supportive response to ourselves, each other and our community.

Without further ado, I am so EXCITED to share with you all my newest labor of love!

The Center for Grief & Creative Healing began as an idea and soon became a community. The next steps for our non-profit start up are to offer more self-care and mindfulness workshops, grief groups, grief education, resources & counseling sessions for our local communities. Our programs and services will be at no cost to those we serve.

Our goal is to be fully funded by kindness, donations, generosity of volunteer time and grant availability to foster community and collective healing following these trying times.

Classes, groups and workshop schedules will be posted on our Facebook pages. If you or someone you know needs 1:1 grief support, please message us with your contact information.

Much love!

D

Lessons for Being the Black Sheep

There are so many lessons one learns from being the proverbial “black sheep” of their family. I decided a list might be helpful to those of you new to this role.

1. Be prepared to have your phone calls and texts ignored regularly. It’s easier for everyone else to believe that you don’t exist; so when you make your presence known, it will very likely go unacknowledged. Don’t worry, though. You will get used to this in time.
2. You’re not going to be invited to family things. Neither will your children. It’s easier for others to pretend that they don’t exist either. This pill is hard to swallow as a parent; it’s much easier to accept the ugly that comes your way compared to that same ugly being put upon your kids. Best advice: love them through it. Make sure they understand that love and family are unconditional and that you are there for them.
3. It’s easier to love your kids always and have some grace and humility than it is to fix broken adults.
4. Black goes with everything. Especially sparkly tiaras and glitter. Remember that when you feel badly that you don’t fit in or feel unloved because of your black sheep status.
5. No matter what anyone wants you to believe, you are not hard to love. Love simply is. And it’s hella easy.

Look at this face! ❤️

Oh, the Clutter…

I’m a naturally scattered human by nature. As I’m learning and growing and embracing all that is me, I’m trying to be more mindful of my processes and quirks and flaws.

That said, as I’m reflecting on wrapping up 2019 with a big and pretty bow, I’ve really been ALL OVER THE PLACE this year and I want (and need) to tidy things up.

I’m forever amazed that I still don’t know what I want to “be” when I grow up. When am I gonna figure this life-stuff out? I feel like 42 years and 5 months of age should be sufficient in helping me determine a direction and a path but, here we are.

I feel stuck and uninspired and I just want to spread peace, love, joy and glitter.

(Can I get a real job hugging all the broken people and telling them everything will be ok?)

These next few weeks, I’m hoping to pare down and de-clutter and be more mindful and meaningful about what’s important to ME in this world that I share with the people I love. I feel like 2020 needs to bring about a more focused and intentional ME.

Wish me luck!

All the love. Always.

D

Reading and Writing for Wellness

This past weekend was hella tough. For a variety of reasons. But the most strikingly painful part was realizing that I exist in a world where the people who were my unconditional people are no longer here.

In looking for ways to love myself through it, I found a fabulous book called Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig.

In my own anxiety and depression, I sometimes have felt that I’m alone and isolated and that no one understands where I am emotionally and that seems to make that proverbial “black hole” of sadness and loss of hope grow.

Writing has been therapeutic for me and reading about other people’s journeys is also hugely helpful. While everyone’s journey and circumstances vary wildly, we all have the human condition of suffering. But, we also can learn and grow and heal and help each other learn new ways to give oxygen to whatever it is that ails us so that we can recover together.

I hope you know you aren’t alone.

I hope you know you matter.

I hope you know you’re loved and I hope you remember to love yourself when things get hard.

And in the moments that you need reminders and you need support to realize and understand that you really aren’t all alone in the world, find someone that you can relate to — either in person, over the phone, virtually or even like I sometimes do: with a wonderful book.

Much love.

Always,

xoxo

Unconditional People

I hope you have some.

I can literally name 3 true hearts and humans that I still have in my life and world and I’m grateful for them.

I used to believe that I had more.

But when the shit goes down in the big and ugliest of ways, you find out fast and in a hurry who will be left in the end, and for me, I have 3.

One of the hard lessons was realizing that those people who I believed were my “ride or die” tribe members were more than ready to bail and exit stage left when things became unpredictable and less than socially acceptable.

I quickly learned new ways the heart can break.

But more importantly, I’ve learned and grown and changed in so many ways and become a better support for myself and my own heart.

I’ve learned to love me. Flaws and all.

I don’t struggle to be “seen” or approved of.

I just am.

I’m comfortable in my own skin and don’t feel like I have anything to prove to anyone other than the person who I’m living the rest of my life with — the person I see in the mirror for my forever. She is me.

I’ve have also found that there can be pockets of normal even in the middle of awful. Pockets of amazing in between the chaos. Pockets of hope in between the loneliness.

And, to my 3 true ride or die humans: you know who you are and I love you.

And that’s enough.

Always.

xoxo

Perspective

If ever you need some perspective on what really matters in this world, I highly recommend spending some time with people who are dying and/or their families who are grieving.

The human heart and it’s capacity to love beyond all measure never ceases to amaze me. I’ve been blessed to have had the opportunity to share some of my most treasured conversations with so many folks over these last few months as I joined a local Hospice team. I’ve shared tears, laughter, sweet tea and strawberry milkshakes along with so many meaningful hours with folks who are struggling in some of their journey’s most difficult times.

I wouldn’t change a single minute of it. I have a much greater appreciation for the smaller things that we often take for granted while we keep things moving at an all too often hectic pace.

Our lives are entirely made up of billions of the tiniest moments and in the end, those moments all add up to make us the people that we are and give us the opportunity to shape and share our world with SO MANY AMAZING PEOPLE with so many beautiful stories to share.

I am so grateful for this life and the people I share mine with.

xoxo 💕

This One Struck SO Many Chords with Me today

I believe this down to my bones, y’all.

The harder your journey, the more strength you gain — and with that strength, hopefully, we also find some grace; and the ability and desire to give back.

The only way forward is through. And, sometimes that journey is hard and heavy and the last thing anyone needs is to feel isolated and alone.

So when you’re out of your own personal storm, I hope you find the hope at the end of whatever rainbow life gives you. I hope you take some time to be a light in someone else’s journey.

This world needs you to shine.

Much love and happy weekend. ❤️

xoxo

Oops! I did it again.

I seem to have fallen back into the bad habits that I promised to quit over the last few weeks.

The “trying to prove I’m worthy of love” thing. The “look at me! Here I am. Act like you love me” thing.

It’s not a good look, y’all.

It’s also not a good feeling when you’re texting and messaging and hoping for some vague acknowledgment of your existence on the planet as a human being of value and worth.

Here’s what I know for sure (and that I need to remind myself of again):

– Love is free.

– Love is perfect.

– Love doesn’t demand a single thing from me. It simply IS.

I’m ever grateful for the beautiful souls that I walk this world with that accept me for me and love me; even on the hard days.

The people in your life that matter should never make you believe that you’re hard to love. Because you’re not. Not for the hearts who are truly meant to love you.

Always,

xoxo

My Best Advice for Bad Days

Sometimes, I need to take it back to the very basics. I mean super basics. Because I tend to get lost in the shuffle and lose my way. And those are the days that I need to keep it simple.

My keeping it simple looks like this:

Set an alarm and get the hell up and out of bed. On the really bad days, I’m always surprised at how hard a task this simple can actually be.

Once you’re up and moving about, take a long shower. Wash away those negative thoughts and feelings with a fresh smelling soap and shampoo. Rinse and repeat and you’ll be surprised at how much better you can feel emotionally once you’re physically well cared for.

Take time to find clothes that are soft and soothing. Now is not the time to go all out with heels and bobbles. Keep it soft and cozy and wrap yourself in things that bring you comfort while you’re bouncing back to the you that you know and love.

Listen to uplifting and encouraging music or a podcast. Keep it positive and light, bright and happy.

Eat the cake. Or the carbs. Whatever works. Nourish and indulge and embrace the comfort food as you care for you.

Take time to breathe. Really breathe and be in the moment. We can’t change the past or the future and worry does no one any good at all.

What are your self-care tips for the really bad days? What works for you and helps you love yourself through it? I’d love to hear your ideas.

In the mean time, take care of you.

Always,

Keeping Score

It’s funny how there are times in life where you absolutely need to take a step back and re-evaluate your life. Most recently, that is happening for me as I’m about to celebrate my 42nd birthday in a few days.

I’ve had a number of starts, stops and resets in my personal journey and just as I think I’ve finally started to figure (some) things out, the universe seems to shake things up again. I begin (again) to rethink all of my decisions that have brought me to where I am at the present moment and I take time to really look at my world and my life and my choices and ask myself the hard questions.

I wonder does anyone else find themselves second guessing things over and over again? I’m envious of the people in the world who just seem to have gotten things right and appear for all intents and purposes to be coasting through their lives. (If that’s you reading this, you need to call me or write a how-to book because I feel like my time is ticking away and my life is overwrought with mistakes on top of more mistakes.)

I really do want to get things right. Just once.

Overall, I just want peace and quiet deep down and all the way into my soul because I’m tired, y’all. At the same time, in my current role as a Bereavement Coordinator for a local Hospice, I have the honor of spending time with people in their final days and sometimes hours while supporting their families and significant others as they learn their way forward in their grief. I’ve found that I’m so envious of those people who have their forever person to hold their hand through their life’s journey. Recently I’ve supported people who have had “their person” for 50+ years. It seems a rare thing in this day and age and it’s bittersweet to have a small window in to a love like that.

And then I think to myself, maybe I’m my own person. Maybe there’s no real “ride or die” that’s meant for me. Maybe my journey is meant to have starts and stops and resets because I’m supposed to learn grace and patience and perseverance along the way with fierce independence? And if that’s the case: yikes. That’s hella scary to me.

I love people. I love people fiercely. But maybe a fierce and hard love like that burns so brightly and then, ultimately burns out for a reason. Maybe I’ve given too much of what’s inherently me, away.

I don’t have the answers for me. I had hoped that I’d have my shit figured out by now. The only thing I really know for sure anymore is that I know absolutely nothing.

I know that there are no absolutes for me and there haven’t yet been any black and white situations where I’ve known what’s what. There’s all kinds of shades of grey.

And maybe that too, is a lesson that this life is teaching me. That I’m not ready for the test or the final exam so to speak. I’m still learning and growing and studying and hoping that I’ll ace it when my time comes.

Let’s cross our fingers and hope.

Much love.

Always.

xoxo